Breakfast of Champions: Pop Tarts And Toaster Strudels

Ashley, a friend of mine, was in from out of town, and she was totally excited about deep frying something. She is probably one of the biggest fans of Off The Deep End. She shares my love of unhealthy eating, I get suggestions from her every week, and I bounce some of my ideas off her as well. We’ll do a little back and forth for this post as we relive our latest adventure…

Ashley: I was only in town for 36 hours, and in between a Red Sox game and an afternoon of beer tasting, we only had time to deep fry some breakfast. That was too bad, because there are an amazing number of deep-fried foods I NEED to try, like a calzone, a Crunch Wrap Supreme from Taco Bell, a cheeseburger on a stick, a Snickers bar, a Twinkie, raviolis, and a Clif Bar (for my dad who thinks deep frying something “healthy” would be hilarious). In short, it’s probably good that Bobby and I don’t live in the same city, because if we did, I would probably be dead in 10 years from all the fried food.

Bobby: We went with a simple breakfast Pop Tarts and Toaster Strudels. We also had bacon on hand and a recipe ready in case we had the time and energy for that, but we didn't get to it this time.

Ashley: I was really a little sad we didn’t get to the bacon. Do you remember that Simpsons episode where Homer tells Bart to butter his bacon? This seemed like that, but better.

Bobby: We started with the Pop Tart, because we figured the Toaster Strudel would be better. Also, I have seen Pop Tarts deep fried before, but I could not find any sign online that this has been done to a Toaster Strudel before. And so, nearing the 40th anniversary of the moon landing, my modest Boston apartment prepared for another historic first.

Ashley: One small step for man, one giant leap towards heart disease!

Bobby: We went with buttermilk pancake mix for both and cooked both at 375F until they looked ready. In both cases, they floated, so we had to be sure to flip them to get both sides cooked properly.
Part of this Pop Tart broke off while dredging it through the batter, but we persevered.
Bobby: While cooking the Toaster Strudel, I decided I’d do something I never do: Put all the frosting packets on these two, leaving none for the remaining four strudels that I’d be eating the following week for breakfast.

I’m a by-the-book kind of guy, so I usually adhere to a strict one packet per strudel policy. I am only human though, and sometimes you do just want to put all six on a single toaster strudel. However, when I do this, I normally eat the first five without frosting and only then reward myself for demonstrating such excellent self control by completely enveloping the last one with frosting.

Ashley: Wait a second, on a regular basis, you use all six packets on one strudel?!?! I salute you for such self-control and commitment to awesomeness. I could never do that. I yearn for that frosting!

Bobby: I wouldn’t say I did it regularly, but every once in a while. I had to do it when my brother wasn’t around, like if he was at summer camp or a school trip or something. Siblings can’t achieve the level of cooperation required to pull this off; it’s a modern-day Prisoner’s Dilemma.

Look at how this one was simply blanketed in frosting!

Come to think of it, given how covered these look with only three packets on each, I have no idea how I ever got all six onto a non-deep-fried Toaster Strudel.

Ashley: There’s a lot I love about being friends with Bobby and I’ve known him for a long time, but I think one of the greatest Bobby moments for me was when he gave me the green light to use all six frosting packets on 2 strudels. I, too, usually adhere to one packet per strudel, but we were trying to do something extraordinary here. Also, I always wished that you got like 12 frosting packets with those strudels. I feel like you squeeze the frosting out and there’s always a little left in the packet and then you try to suck that out in a taste of pure frosting deliciousness and you get some, but it makes you think, “Damn, I wish I could eat more straight frosting.” In case you were wondering, yes I ate frosting by the spoonful as a child (well, as an adult too). I also used to eat rainbow sprinkles out of the tub by the spoonful. You might call me a sugar addict. Back to the strudels, the point here is obviously that using all the frosting was the best decision ever, especially since the fried toaster strudel was much larger than your average toaster strudel.

Bobby: All in all, the Pop Tarts were really good, and we both enjoyed them, but once the first Toaster Strudel was ready, and we tried it, we completely lost interest in the Pop Tarts. Interestingly, that's how it happens in real life too. As a kid, I always liked Pop Tarts, but after my first Toaster Strudel, I really wasn't interested in Pop Tarts anymore. The Toaster Strudel is just in a whole different league.

Ashley: I agree. The Pop Tart is only better in a situation where you need to eat with one hand, you can’t have sticky frosting hand, or you lack access to a toaster. Basically, you like to see a Pop Tart in a driving situation. Or, apparently, if you are Pete from 30 Rock, in a weird sex situation.

Bobby: True, Pop Tarts are like a good utility infielder; they really come in handy in some situations, but they aren’t usually your first choice to start a game.

To make this more scientific, we probably should have bought strawberry Pop Tarts to compare to strawberry Toaster Strudels. The cinnamon was very good, but there didn't seem to be enough of it. It got overwhelmed by the batter around it.

Ashley: Also, the deep frying sort of hid the fact that the brown sugar cinnamon Pop Tart was frosted. Hidden frosting will never beat lots of frosting!

Bobby: Good observation! We added powdered sugar on top of the deep-fried Pop Tart, but that can’t compare to frosting.

As an aside, I might be interested to deep fry a Toaster Scramble, the first cousin of the Toaster Strudel. These have egg, sausage, cheese, etc. inside them instead of fruit filling. I never actually liked these growing up, which is odd, because I usually consider foods with egg, meat, and cheese on the inside to be a very good idea. I'm not sure what type of batter I'd use if I were to try this. Breadcrumbs don't quite seem right, nor does corn meal, and pancake batter seems just a little too sweet. I'll have to keep thinking about this. Of those three, pancake batter makes the most sense, but maybe I could try a biscuit mix covering the Toaster Scramble.

Ashley: I love your commitment here to what is obviously such an unhealthy idea. I’m going to go ahead and say you should go with the Pancake batter. If we’ve learned anything from the McGriddle, it’s that egg, meat, and sausage go great between two pancake buns. Especially when those buns are infused with syrup. Speaking of bad for you breakfasts, my co-workers are really pushing me to put egg and cheese on a Krispy Kreme (using the Krispy Kreme like a bagel). That’s going to be amazing.

Ashley: Following all this deep frying, Bobby and I just had to lie around for awhile. I have to say, I cannot believe how sluggish I felt following the Pop Tart and Toaster Strudel. It’s like we had just consumed like a thousand calories of fat and sugar instead of a healthy and nutritious breakfast. Weird.

Bobby: See, it’s easy to look back and say you were sad we didn’t get to deep frying bacon, but there’s no way it was happening given how we felt after both of those things. The deep fried food coma is way more overwhelming than your average food coma.

Ashley: Those brief moments of sluggishness were worth the tasty awesomeness of deep frying with Bobby. If anyone else out there is considering guest frying with Bobby, I’d highly recommend the experience. Not only is the food delicious, but you get to watch Bobby’s eyes literally light up with glee as he dumps the oil in the deep fryer and tells you all about the process. He’s a man who really loves his work and it’s always great to be a part of something like that!