The Double Down

Whenever I read news articles about cities banning trans fats, uproar over fast food, calls for bans on food advertising, etc., I get bummed thinking that all the fun I enjoy on my blog with my deep fryer will soon enough be legislated away. But every once in a while, something comes along that again makes me proud to be an American. The KFC Double Down was one of those things.

For those of you unfamiliar with the Double Down, it is a "sandwich" consisting of two strips of bacon, two slices of Monterey jack and pepper jack cheese, and "Colonel's sauce," surrounded by two boneless chicken filets. My initial thought was that replacing bread with fried chicken was an idea that will one day rank right up there with injecting cheese into a pizza crust in the pantheon of deliciously unhealthy innovations. (Note: For the health conscious fast food enthusiast, you can get the Double Down with grilled chicken filets.)

Initially, KFC piloted the sandwich in only Providence, RI and Omaha, NE. While I was close enough to try one then, scheduling conflicts kept me from making the journey to Rhode Island. I feared I would regret missing this opportunity, as all the blogs and news articles spoke condescendingly about such a gluttonous creation.

Eventually though, true American values won out, and KFC cleared it for a nationwide release. I was joyously watched the countdown timer on the KFC Website ticking away the minutes and seconds until I could enjoy a Double Down. After locating the closest KFC to me, I realized I could walk to one for lunch this past Monday, the very day it premiered.

While I feared there might be lines around the block and riot police out in force to keep a hungry mob at bay, as I walked up to the KFC, it was just business as usual. The store didn't even have signs up for the Double Down! What if they didn't have it yet!? While standing in line, I scoped out the other customers, and sure enough, one diner appeared to be eating something surrounded by chicken using only his hands. My fears subsided, and I eagerly awaited my turn in line. I, of course, ordered the fried Double Down, not the grilled one, as grilled chicken lies outside the jurisdiction of Off The Deep End.

As I pulled my Double Down out of the box, it was an imposing site. Unable to find a clear attack point, I had to clear my mind and just dig right in. It was intense from start to finish. You know how sometimes you take a bite that is mostly bun and it can be a nice, brief change of pace from your burger/chicken/whatever? Well with this sandwich, there was no such respite. Each bite brought more and more chicken to drown out the other flavors. The bacon was completely overpowered by the chicken. The cheese tasted fine, but it was only slightly melted, and the Colonel's sauce added a little to it, but overall was forgettable.

This thing was also incredibly greasy. Despite my best efforts to eat carefully, I somehow ended up with several grease stains.

Finally, the experience of eating a sandwich with no bun/bread was disorienting. I've heard that while scuba diving in caves or tight spaces or at night, you can get disoriented and briefly be unsure which way is up. This was kind of how I felt eating the Double Down. About two-thirds of the way through it, I realized I had somehow unwittingly finished one of my pieces of chicken, making the rest of my meal an open-faced Double Down.

One fact is undeniable: this thing fills you up. I'm usually not stuffed after eating fast food, but this was absolutely a full meal and I didn't even order fries (or whatever KFC serves in place of fries) or a drink.

Though it fell short of my, admittedly lofty, expectations, Looking back on the experience, I realize this sandwich is exactly what we thought it was: an edible monument to excess. I started writing this post thinking that I was going to say that this wasn't particularly worth trying, but when I look at this picture, I fall in love all over again and realize, "Aww, I can't stay mad at you!"